Pumpkin Wings

Today has been a bit fucked up. I started feeling bad during our second lesson, in which subject the class is kind of a mix between mine and Jack’s classes. I went into the classroom and grabbed a seat. A minute later Jack and his friends enter the room. Pierre takes a seat like 5 chairs away from me, and Jack actually hesitated when he was going to pick a seat, but of course settled for the seat next to Pierre. Now I’m a ridiculously sensitive person lately, and I almost started crying. Since I always hang out with them during lunch and such, you’d think even Pierre would be considerate enough to actually sit near me, but oh no, no one ever does that. Jack has commented on how I always used to sit alone last year, and well there you go; I don’t WANT to be alone but people won’t fucking go near me unless they pick a seat first, and then I walk in and sit down next to them.

I was actually pissy about this the rest of the day. I barely said anything during lunch, but I tagged along with Jack and Louise (and originally Roger and Pierre, but they disappeared somehow), and watched them have pasta. Louise was going on and on and fucking ON to Jack about how she needed a new computer, then her phone rang and Jack turned to talk to me a bit, but as soon as she hung up she turned back to him and picked up the sentence just where she left it, completely disregarding the fact that me and Jack were talking about….well I don’t even remember what, I think he asked me for the zillionth time why I don’t eat, and if I don’t get hungry. Damn right I get hungry, but I can’t eat with too many people/the wrong people/at the wrong place.

Despite me hating Louise, I managed to get some use for her. I had a hard time getting Jack to discuss our assignment about centaurs, which we hadn’t even started on yet though it’s due tomorrow morning. So I got her to convince him to stay after school for me. (I didn’t want to bring that crap up AGAIN because I don’t want to look like a naggy bitch.) Then after school it turns out he’s going to some meeting with Lousie and the rest of the “environment group” we have at school. He isn’t even a part of it… I don’t know if it was his own idea or Louise’s, however I got fucking pissed and started yelling at him, ending with Jack getting annoyed too and being like “fine let’s go down to the fucking computers and do this shit”, walking away towards the stairs with me running after going “fuuuck I didn’t mean it like that, I don’t want to stop you from going to that meeting, we can divide it and do it at home or whatever, but we gotta do at least THAT”, and then we couldn’t settle on how to divide it, and Jack was again like “fine whatever we’ll do it now, I don’t have to go to that meeting I guess”, and I was like “but…but I don’t want to force you”, and then my voice gave in and I actually started crying. I’m not sure what Jack said (I just remember walking down the stairs to the computer room and telling Jack to hold off talking because I could barely hear him), but stuff calmed down after that. Jack became his usual understanding self, pointing out that I wasn’t really forcing him as most stuff in school is forced anyway, and we actually had pretty damn fun there for a while (those old centaur myths are insane).

After an hour or so Louise and my classmate Marion came down to write some stuff, and then started bugging Jack like hell, demanding that he’d come eat wih them and stuff, and I got stressed and annoyed and probably kinda rude. However, we kept working for another hour or so, then I went home and Jack went to eat with them. He actually seemed pretty hesistant when he realised I wasn’t gonna eat with them because I, as I quietly informed him, wouldn’t be able to stand another second with those two bitches. As much as I’d had liked to pull him with me instead, I keep telling myself that they aren’t interested in him in any other way than as a friend anyway. Because that’s really what it boils down to, my hate for Louise. Despite knowing that she is engaged and has a kid, I keep viewing her as a VERY potent rival. I need to get over it, but I can’t. I want to strangle her every time I see her. Well she is a very stupid and annoying person, but really not someone worth wasting THAT much hate on.

I barely remember what I wanted to be the point of this entry anymore. I feel like it’s just a load of stupid rambling, caused by me being over-sensitive. Is it really that big a deal that someone doesn’t take the seat next to you? I guess it’s a big thing for me because I’ve had too much of it in my life, and because this time the guy in question happens to be someone I love. Anyway, there you go - my day summarised. That’s what I have this blog for anyway, isn’t it? Well, truth is I never wanted to have it as a diary, it just happened.