Pumpkin Wings

I’m in school, we’re having lunch break, and Jack’s class is away somewhere the entire day (and yesterday), so I figured I might as well update here. I’ve been meaning to for about a week, but I haven’t gotten around to it, and I’ve been ill since Thursday or so. Actually I wish I had stayed at home today, but since I’ve been home yesterday as well as Thursday and Friday last week, mum thinks they’re gonna kick me out if I’m away more. Yeah right.. I’ve been away for a total of like 6~7 days this semester, I’m pretty damn safe.

Anyway, a week ago I went to some examination. I’m in this scientific project called LifeGene, which means that I first had to fill out a huge online survey, and then go to this examination. They checked my height, weight, lung capacity, did a hearing test and god knows what. I also had to leave a urine sample and a….blood sample.

Now, syringes is probably my worst phobia, and the reason why I’m not getting that stupid swine flu vaccine. However, I had some moment of revelation and thought I’d sacrifice myself for science or whatever. However, once there - sitting in the chair with some nurse poking my arms to find a nice blood vessel - I didn’t feel quite as confident. So I asked if they could give anaesthesia, and sure they could put on a plaster, but it would have to stay on for an hour to have effect. So I decided to stay there for an hour, had two pears and a cup of hot chocolate while waiting.

Then when it was time for the sting, I closed my eyes and tried to pretend nothing was happening. They shoved the syringe in, and…..nothing. No blood. Apparently, because I was so nervous (I was actually shaking), I got tense and my blood vessels decided to close themselves. I sat there for a couple of minutes, trying to calm down, and after a while - since I still had my eyes closed and wasn’t actually noticing anything - I just started to feel ridiculous rather than afraid.

Eventually they decided to settle with the little blood they had gotten out of me, because they were starting to feel like they were just tormenting me. They were supposed to get eight tubes of blood. They got two. 2/8. They tried to be all encouraging and told me I was really strong for letting them even try, but I just felt empty. I went through all that and all they got out of me was two tubes.

I’m not sure how this is going to affect my future blood samples. In a way I suppose it’s settling to know that I really don’t even notice it if I have anaesthesia and close my eyes, but at the same time it’s really creepy and discouraging to know that my blood vessels might just close up like that. Unfortunately I believe the latter will affect me the most, as I’ve already tried anaesthesia once before, and though it went well (that time I was also listening to music, with my head inside Emil’s shirt), I still felt so bad this time, I guess my mind shuts out any previous good experiences. After all, the usual definition of a phobia is “irrational fear”.

Somehow this entry sounds kinda like an essay for school or something to me. Anyway, I’ve wanted to let this out for a week, so here you go.